Begin Again
by Tawlz02
Summary: SIRIUS AND REMUS AND HARRY ONESHOT: A drabble based on Halloween night, 1981 and the murder of James and Lily Potter. Makes me sadddd :( PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WOULD LIKE THIS TO BECOME A MULTI-CHAPTER FIC ABOUT HARRY BEING RAISED BY SIRIUS BLACK AND REMUS LUPIN


_1_ _st_ _November, 12:47am, 1981_

The ringing in his ears was obnoxious. A never ending chime of music-less sound that clouded his thoughts and blocked out his emotions.

Sirius was in shock.

They were dead.

The familiar cottage in Godric's Hollow, once a haven from the wizarding war, now a desolated plane of negativity and sorrow. The day was chilly, with a frosty wind that gave hint to a snowy day nearing.

Lily loves the snow.

James loves Lily.

Loved.

Not loves.

His best friends were dead.

As if a zombie, the boy who was still youthful, still playful, still coy, walked slowly and lifelessly into the house of his dead brother.

Sirius could recall every moment he and James had spent together. James had always been by his side. From the moment they met on the train, they had been inseparable, and Sirius was continually losing his grip on his resolve, slowly trickling through the cracks of the home that Lily and James had built with him and seeping into nothingness.

Suddenly, life seemed meaningless. What was the point honestly? Why would the world take away people like Lily and James? Two people who deserved to live the rest of their days until old and grey, together with their friends, with Harry, with each other.

The love that they possessed for each other and for Harry was unparalleled, all who came into contact with them knew just how infectious it was.

The door creaked open as Sirius pushed passed it, mesmerised in some cynical trance. The empty feeling of the house sent chills down Sirius' spine. He passed the kitchen, where he recalled a drooling Harry sitting in his high chair, being magically spoon fed some unidentifiable breakfast made by Lily in an attempt to make porridge. He remembered how James would only kiss Lily when Harry couldn't see.

Now, the high chair lay in two on the floor. The newly carved pumpkins still lying on the table, scraps of pulp surrounding it. The pantry door was off it's hinges and the dishes still dirty next to the sink.

Sirius could almost see Lily and James cuddled on the couch in the living room, or showing Harry spells that made him giggle and spit in the dining room. Now the house was desolate. A place with no real meaning, only foreign memories that seemed a lifetime away.

Again he paced slowly through the house, arriving at the bottom of the stairs. Cautiously yet almost entirely removed, Sirius took the stairs one by one, barely flinching as they creaked under his weight. About halfway up the staircase, he noticed a foot lying over the top stair. A cold, lifeless foot.

Sirius looked at James. Sirius saw all of it. James saw nothing.

A boy. He was still only a boy. Sirius could see that now as he lay there still, on the floor, his soul nowhere and his heart no longer beating.

Sirius stared at the boy who used to be his best friend. His hair was dark and messy, just like always. His clothes barely crinkled. But his glasses were cracked, and they could not hide the lifeless gaze of James Potter's hazel eyes.

His eyes were still open.

James had run to protect them, obviously he had. James would have sacrificed his life for Lily and Harry.

He did.

Sirius sat next to the body.

"Oculus Reparo"

Sirius picked up the now fixed glasses and without thinking took two fingers, and closed his best friend's eyes for the last time.

He put the glasses back on James' pale face.

"James…" Sirius' voice was barely a whisper, he stared down the staircase, rather than at the boy he couldn't live without. "James..." Sirius' voice cracked and tears began spilling from the two grey pools of he's eyes.

"You can't die James. You can't leave me." He didn't even realise he was crying. The salty tears landed on his knees and fell to the carpet. Sirius couldn't feel it.

He threw himself over James' body and wept. He wept for his best friend who was dead. He wept for his best friend who was murdered in the worst way. And Sirius lay on the lifeless body of James Potter and he sobbed with an aching heart as the meaning of life seemed to slip away from his grasp.

He was manic. He was slipping.

"James!" He cried now, pulling James' body up by his chest. "Please James!" He screamed now, but his best friend was cold and heavy in his arms, and he slipped out of Sirius' grip, back down onto the floor.

"WHY!" Sirius screamed now, kicking the banister of the stairwell with a creak and a thud. "WHY JAMES!" He cried, looking towards his friend. "I should be the one who is dead. You didn't deserve this James."

He roared at the ceiling, "They didn't deserve this!" More tears, "Why would you kill them? How could you let this happen! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN… JAMES! JAMES!" His cries became muffled by his hands as he sobbed into them, unable to speak anymore with his voice now hoarse and his heart wanting nothing more than to stop.

Just then he heard a soft wail from the bedroom.

 _Harry. Could it be?_

Getting up slowly, not looking back at his best friend, he stood up and walked toward the room where he heard the cry. Harry's bedroom.

The door was blown off and lying against the opposite wall and Sirius did not notice the black cloaked figure jumping out of the open window as he entered the child's room.

The room seemed dark. Everything colourless except for her hair. Sirius looked at her. She had always been beautiful, James' flower, but now those memories of beauty were replaced with the vision he saw now.

She almost looked like an angel. Her skin a ghostly white. Her orange hair a fiery halo. She looked peaceful, as if moved from the position she had died in. Sirius couldn't bring himself to care.

"Lily, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."

Sirius couldn't say more to the dead girl who he was so fond of, he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to the woman who had stolen James' heart.

He turned around. And there in his cot, sat Harry.

His face and clothes were tear and snot stained and his eyes a bloodshot red. He kept quietly mumbling and pointing over at Lily with a small finger. He sat practically motionless, as if not recognising his godfather.

Sirius looked at the boy and was overcome with a sudden relief. He suddenly saw James' features and Lily's eyes, more prominent on the child now than ever. But more so he noticed a scar. He moved forward slowly.

"Sirius?"

He thought it was a voice in his head. He kept staring at the lightning scar of Harry's forehead.

"Sirius."

The voice was louder, prompting Sirius to turn around.

 _Remus Lupin._

The bags that were constantly circling his eyes were darker now, contrasted to his red tainted eyes. He was skinny, but not overly so, but he held himself with a posture of defeat. Remus too had lost his best friends today.

Wordlessly, they both began walking towards each other silent tears spilling from their eyes as they enveloped each other in a bone crushing hug.

Together they stood in silence. No words to express their grief. No will to do anything other then remain in the firm hold of their friend, supporting each other while keeping themselves on their feet.

Suddenly Harry cried again, as if realising that Sirius and Remus were friends, not death eaters.

Tentatively, Remus walked towards the child, reaching into his cot and pulling him out. Harry's dry sobs had blown over and he took a couple deep breaths before resting his head on Remus' shoulder and falling asleep.

Remus turned to Sirius in a sort of shock, as Harry rested peacefully in his arms.

"We have to look after him Siri," Remus whispered, "We are all the kid has now."

Sirius just nodded, scared as to how his life would turn out, after it being ripped away.

(S+R+H)(S+R+H)(S+R+H)

"SIRIUS!"

"YES REMUS!"

"I THINK HARRY IS DOING MAGIC."

Silence.

"He's doing magic?" Sirius asked quietly.

Sirius slowly made his way through the apartment into Harry's room. The room was bright and colourful and magical. There were three white walls and one maroon one with hundreds of quidditch posters and maps of the world, wizard and muggle.

There was a bookshelf lined with books, ranging from Enid Blyton and Thomas Hardy (Sirius had insisted on a muggle education, as he believed Lily would have), to the Tales of Beadle and Bard and Hogwarts: A History. It also held many photographs of Hogwarts, Sirius and Remus, and James and Lily.

And there, a three-year-old skinny toddler with messy black hair, green eyes and a scar sat on the floor, sitting opposite Remus whose hair was now blue.

"HARRY MY GORGEOUS CHILD OH MY MERLIN I'M SO HAPPY!" Sirius practically ran into the room and scooped the toddler up in his arms spinning him around.

A cough rang through the room as Sirius turned back to Remus who was standing against the bookshelf, hair still an electric blue.

Harry cocked his head to the side and a bubbly laughter hung in the air as he giggled.

"Dada Reeeeemus ooks funy"

This caused both Remus and Sirius to grin and bark laughs as their most valued possession began drooling.

Remus changed his hair back before walking to Sirius and taking Harry out of his arms, which in turn released a foul smelling scent.

Remus cringed as Sirius swore, "Fuck me Harry you stink."

"Sirius, language!"

"Right, my bad… You're changing it."

With that Sirius sprinted out of the room leaving Remus holding Harry at an arms length away, grimacing while trying to smile at the toddler.

"Well Harry, let's get this over with shall we?"

Harry giggled as Remus put him down and hand in hand, they waddled towards the bathroom.

(S+R+H)(S+R+H)(S+R+H)


End file.
